“Full of mystery, it’s been a long road and sometimes confusion. Although my appearance may change with the weather, I will remain true to passion, adrenaline and good friends. For there are a few things I love more than a grand adventure with cold beer and a tragic ending.” These words said by who I consider to be the most influential and important person in my life. I will carry these words spoken by not only my cousin, but my one true hero, Sean Hanna. To me, my cousin was the most inspirational, humorous and genuine person I have known. Throughout the pain staking fourteen years of fighting for his life against cancer, Sean is the one person who has inspired me the most.
I have often heard the saying, “death leaves a heart ache no one can heal, but it also leaves a memory no one can steal, “and having had Sean taken away so early in life, this quote seems to be one hundred percent proven to me. My cousin affected me in the biggest and most important way anyone can or will ever do. His way of life has such a deep impact in my life that will stay within my heart and soul from now throughout the rest of my life. Anyone and everyone who knew my cousin will tell a story of how Sean’s brave lifestyle and ability to make someone’s day just by being in the same room with him. Or maybe they were affected by his kind and gentle way of life, always caring deeply about everyone and being able to show it as easily as he did. I can recall a story a friend of Sean’s had shared at his funeral. The young girl had told us that they were good friends and one day, she told him that she was moving away and she was very upset about her news. Sean was also upset by what his friend had told him, so the friend explained how this heartwarming character carved a heart out of tree bark and gave it to his friend. She said how Sean then turned to her and said, “Now you will carry a part of me wherever you go. Don’t ever forget me.” She started to tear and she explained to him how impossible it was to do such a thing. From that day on, the friend had carried the heart with her wherever she went. Sean was the kind of person that everyone knew, loved, and always wanted in their presence. With my cousin around, there was never a dull moment.
At just six years old, Sean was diagnosed with the fourth stage of Hodgkin’s disease, a form of cancer. Sean endured many trips to the doctors and hospitals within the next few years, whether the visits were in New Jersey or somewhere as far as Nebraska. His parents were very hopeful to see their second born survive this tragic illness. The family made frequent trips to Robert Wood Johnson Hospital, where there when Sean was just six years old, the oncologist advised his parents that were was nothing more to be done for him. Still hopeful, my aunt and uncle still tried to find a way. Although Sean had many doctors’ appointments and many medical procedures, including testing done, he still found the energy and audacity to do the things he wanted to do. My cousin played baseball, was involved in boy scouts, acted and sang and throughout the fourteen years, he did much more and excelled in everything the star would try. Unlike usual situations, Sean never came off as scared of what may or may not happen to him, instead, Sean pushed himself to live. The cancer was his motivation to have a good life and because of that, he did. Sean lived his life to the absolute fullest; it’s as if he knew what his future was unfortunately headed towards.
Years went on and there were quite a few times that he was in remission. During this time, Sean went out and had the time of his life. He participated in cross country and would continuously shine on stage in his high school years with the stars in his eyes and the incredible passion in his voice. There were a few times that I went to see his performances in his high school plays and there was never a more proud moment than to see him shine like the star he always came out to be. My favorite play he was in was “Father of The Bride,” he made the character shine just as much as he did. “I thought we would get married when the spirit moved us. “ I will never forget this one line that can always make me laugh as part of his memory and always bring a smile to my face. After high school, Sean attended Rutgers University to study psychology; there is where my inspiration came from; and there he had his own radio show on 90.3 The CORE, as part of Rutgers Radio Station. During the last annual checkup Sean had, the doctors at the Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital announced that the cancer had returned. This time, Sean was given an ultimatum that was in his hands, because at the time he was finally at age to make one of the most important decisions that could either save or ruin his chances of living. The choice was to have a very risky surgery done that would cure Sean from cancer for the rest of his life or continue with the chemo therapy and radiation. Sean reluctantly decided on taking the chance and went to the hospital on August 29, 2006 for his surgery and from then on, the hospital became his home for the remainder of his life. The operation that may have saved his life was a complete bone marrow transplant from a placenta. The doctors had to, in a way, restart his entire immune system, therefore Sean had to be in complete isolation. The surgery had Sean seem as if he was riding on a never ending roller coaster. During the eight months that he was in the hospital, I regretfully only saw him three times. Each time, though, it killed me to see my Seany was barely hanging on by a thread. Although he was slowly but surely headed for the worse, he still managed to make everyone in his presence smile and laugh. It hurts to recall the three times I saw him, I never said anything to him, not a hello, not an “I love you,” not even a goodbye, even at this point, almost three years after his death. Sean surely knew what the future for him was headed towards and I believe that he truly did anything possible in order for him to live his life to the fullest.
Sean influenced me because at one point I was sick with a blood disorder for seven years and I truthfully was not even near as brave as he has always been. I never was more scared in my life but with his silent wisdom, my cousin assured me everything would be okay and I believed and trusted in him. It took a lot of fighting and strength but I made it through the blood disorder, at times I question why I was able to fight through it while Sean was fighting for fourteen years and he was taken away. I truly believe that no one can or ever will take the huge spot Sean has in my heart, because not only did I look up to him as my hero and my cousin, I considered him the amazing older brother I never had. I will never forget the day that Sean flew up to Heaven for a permanent stay that night. My hero passed away on Saturday, April 28, 2007 at 9:26 pm. My family got the call that our beloved brother, cousin, nephew and grandson had passed away. That one phone call truly changed my life in a way I never knew possible until that night. If Sean’s life and death has taught, influenced and inspired me in any way, it is to work hard, and play harder, which leads me to recall a quote he once came up with. “I know how to have a good time; I know what I want out of life. I rock.” What Sean taught me the fifteen years of my life is more than anyone or anything could ever do and I will never forget the silent lessons he taught me. My Seany will always be the most genuine person I will ever know and I truly feel blessed to have had the true honor of being related to him, let alone knowing him at all. Throughout the pain staking fourteen years of fighting for his life against cancer, Sean is the one person who has inspired me the most. I will carry these words spoken by not only my cousin, but my one true hero, Sean Hanna. To me, my cousin was the most inspirational, humorous and genuine person I have known. “Full of mystery, it’s been a long road and sometimes confusion. Although my appearance may change with the weather, I will remain true to passion, adrenaline and good friends. For there are a few things I love more than a grand adventure with cold beer and a tragic ending…”
